Levitas

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Tinker]

[Tinker]

[Tinker]

[Sparky]

[Colonel Sun]

[nsfw]

[Colonel Sun]

[Tinker]

I saw Fuck Me Ray Bradbury yesterday, that's pretty funny. And you don't need to censor curse words here. I don't go in for that kind of idolatry.

[Colonel Sun]

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous
"One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement,
but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control.
Before he re-entered</NOBR> the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr.
Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut - a generous gesture reflecting the risks involved.
However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian space program.

Over the years, many people had questioned Astronaut Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant,
but he had always declined to offer an answer.
On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong.
He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard.
His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window.
The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky,
"Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/mrgorsky.asp

[Colonel Sun]

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.
It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.
Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real.
When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by an attractive nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was possibly interested in transacting some business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door."
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another even more attractive nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

[Colonel Sun]

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don' t want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. " Promise me you won' t tell me!"
Confused, the father asks what' s wrong.

"Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There' s no Santa speech' .
At seven, I got the ' There' s no Easter Bunny' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There' s no tooth fairy' speech.
If you' re going to tell me that grownups don' t really get laid, then I' ll have nothing left to live for."

[Colonel Sun]

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across
the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the
start of this type of activity. A review of the Department' s files
shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has
determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes
and Streams, of the
Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work
shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

---------

This is the actual response he sent back:

Dear Mr. Price,

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Your certified letter dated 10/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State
unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood
" debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use
of natures building materials " debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match
their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work
ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom
of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren' t the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation,
so the State wil have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The
Department' s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event
causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect.

In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the
stream ' restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the
Beavers. But if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not
pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the
beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more
elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be
no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The
bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
to your dam office.

Ryan DeVries

[Colonel Sun]

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: December 30th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you' ve forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can' t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, " Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn' t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

[Colonel Sun]

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she' ll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, " Who was that?!" " Oh," replies the husband, " she' s my mistress."

" Well that' s the last straw," says the wife. " I' ve had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."

" I can understand that," replies her husband, " but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we' ll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. " Who' s that with Jim?" asks the wife. " That' s his mistress," says her husband.

She replies, " Ours is prettier."

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Red Army Orchestra and Chorus]

[Red Army Orchestra and Chorus]

[Tinker]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Tinker]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Hoosiernorm]

The rabbit of seville

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55G7T8VdWEs

[Hoosiernorm]

[Tinker]

[Colonel Sun]