Mac Anorexia
The thinnest laptop ever!
Throws up its CD already after 2 minutes
Back from Iraq
"I brought something for the kids!"
Levitas
Moderator: YMix
Re: Levitas
by Rhapsody » Fri Sep 17, 2010 9:10 pm
Mac Anorexia
The thinnest laptop ever!
Throws up its CD already after 2 minutes
Back from Iraq
"I brought something for the kids!"
- Rhapsody
Re: Levitas
by Sparky » Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:20 am
-
Sparky - Posts: 1067
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:45 pm
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:45 pm
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:16 am
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:10 pm
[No idea who he is or what he does, but an enjoyable nsfw speech nonetheless]
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Tue Sep 21, 2010 12:58 pm
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:57 pm
Whenever I read people using the term "muzzies", I think of the Australian expression "mozzies".
Does this work?
"As used by the [Australian] Armed Forces"
During those long missions in Afghanistan, I presume.
Does this work?
"As used by the [Australian] Armed Forces"
During those long missions in Afghanistan, I presume.
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:35 pm
If only . . .
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:08 pm
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:09 pm
Tip of the hat to Fontinau:
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Tinker » Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:19 am
The canary didn't die because this mine is dangerous, it died because it's lazy and wasn't raised with a proper work ethic.
-
Tinker - Posts: 7683
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:14 pm
- Location: In the Jeweller's workshop.
Re: Levitas
by noddy » Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:28 am
this strikes a coord because I literally wish to shit down the throat of people that dont know how to use literally
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/literally
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/literally
- noddy
- Posts: 2181
- Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:53 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:33 am
Last edited by Colonel Sun on Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:34 am
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Tinker » Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:50 pm
The canary didn't die because this mine is dangerous, it died because it's lazy and wasn't raised with a proper work ethic.
-
Tinker - Posts: 7683
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:14 pm
- Location: In the Jeweller's workshop.
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:52 pm
Good on ya, mate.
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Essex Girl Jokes
by Torchwood » Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:36 pm
Essex is on the wrong side of London, and allegedly the chaviest county in England. Essex girls are reputed to be dim, usually drunk and an easy lay (if you have no discrimination). The references to shoulder pads suggest some of these jokes must 80s vintage.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain ?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do Essex girl braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash an Essex girl ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How does an Essex girl part her hair ?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
Q: Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the kitchen sink ?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear their hair up ?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger ?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: How do you make an Essex girl's eyes light up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should Essex girls not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl's been using the computer ?
A: There's Tipp-Ex on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do an Essex girl and your computer have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the Essex girl think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get East Enders....
Q: Why do Essex girls wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill an Essex girl?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat Jelly?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with a fiver on the top her head?
A: All you can eat, under a fiver.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the Essex girl?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the London girl?
A: "All the Essex girls have gone home!"
Q: What's the mating call of the Geordie girl?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Essex girls like VAT?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 83 to an Essex girl?
A: 69 plus VAT.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain ?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do Essex girl braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash an Essex girl ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How does an Essex girl part her hair ?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
Q: Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the kitchen sink ?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear their hair up ?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger ?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: How do you make an Essex girl's eyes light up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should Essex girls not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl's been using the computer ?
A: There's Tipp-Ex on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do an Essex girl and your computer have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the Essex girl think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get East Enders....
Q: Why do Essex girls wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill an Essex girl?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat Jelly?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with a fiver on the top her head?
A: All you can eat, under a fiver.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the Essex girl?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the London girl?
A: "All the Essex girls have gone home!"
Q: What's the mating call of the Geordie girl?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Essex girls like VAT?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 83 to an Essex girl?
A: 69 plus VAT.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Pessimism is the soft option.
-
Torchwood - Posts: 699
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:28 pm
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:25 pm
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:36 pm
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:47 pm
A new Army Captain was assigned to an unit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so OK, the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No Sir. The men usually just ride Molly into town. That's where the girls are ...'
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so OK, the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No Sir. The men usually just ride Molly into town. That's where the girls are ...'
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
Re: Levitas
by Colonel Sun » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:01 pm
There were three Indian squaws.
One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Never criticize anyone until you've walked several kilometres in their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
Because
1. You're now several kilometres away; and
2. You've got their shoes.
-
Colonel Sun - Posts: 6553
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:38 am
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