Diegetics

And meet your younger self, briefly, what would you say?

(If ten years makes you too young, make it five.)

Here's my take:
"In a few months you will meet a fascinating girl with an evil black dog. Years later, she will break your heart into a million pieces. You must ... What? Yes, she's gorgeous, now that you ask. ... Yes, she's great in bed too... What did you just say? You don't give a shit about my suffering? Why you selfish present-centered brat! I knew you'd say that. That's why I brought this paradoxical pistol."

*Bang*
*Bang*
*Bang*


Yeah, on second thought I guess we'd just shoot some pool. I wouldn't tell the bastard anything. Let him get what's coming to him. Good and hard. He deserves every bit of it.

Keep your portfolio of past work in order, it'll come in handy in more ways that you can possibly know right now. Even the stuff you aren't that impressed with yourself.

Go visit what his face cause he's going to kill himself. Run you fuckin idiot.

Can we do 20 ?

"In whichever year among the next six, you'll have no way of guessing where you'll be 4 more years down the road. As they say: best laid plans of mice and men... And try to be careful, will you?"

I'd tell myself to sell everything I own and leave the country in 2002 while everything is going good. Avoid entanglements with friends, that gets bad. My life has been interesting enough for me, but my objective would be to make it even more interesting. I'd encourage myself to move to Asia, preferably somewhere that I have to learn the language to make it. I'd give a list of historical events and dates for the last ten years, then I'd give me a list that includes names that I wouldn't know yet: Tinker, Colonel Sun, Ananyaja, Sparky, Aferim, Berzerk Savant, Hoosiernorm, etc. I would tell myself to give up my studies and devote myself to find these people and send them messages of future events. I'd tell myself to do it in video form and make it as obscure as possible, make it entertaining. I'm sure I'd know how to do that.

Oh yeah, I'd mention "His name is David P. Goldman."

Cask-Hades,

If I didn't have friends teaching history and political science to 18 year old freshmen (born, incredibly, in 1992), I'd think that was outrageously funny. As it is, I find it merely descriptive. The fall of the Berlin Wall in '89 (assuming they've heard of it) is in the same mythical category as the Second World War -- ancient history.

Which gives me an excuse to trot out my favorite comic series, the Perry Bible Fellowship:

Puff, puff, give; sucka!

Also, finish that tattoo on your leg before you get married!

If I could go back ten years I would have done exactly what I did, starting with the adoption of those two little girls who have made these last ten years the most complicated and happiest years of my (already longish) life.

- I am reminded, yet again, of the famous television interview with elderly poet Sir John Betjeman,just before he died.

Pretty young lady interviewer asking questions slowly, loudly and unconsciously patronising, as is common to old people:

"SIR JOHN, IF YOU COULD GO BACK TO WHEN YOU WERE TWENTY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY? "

"YES- (then very loudly) HAVE MORE SEX!"

- in my son's primary school class, when they were doing ancient history (the 1960s) one boy said that was when colour was discovered. Presumably the world was in black and white before then.

- I only really started to feel old when I visited some local gardens and they had photos of the damage sustained in the October 1987 hurricane (yes, it blew down half the trees in southern England) . Little boy asks parents what it was about, answer starts : "When mummy and daddy were very little ..."

... and if you stop putting sugar in your tea and coffee now, we won't have to spend a fucking fortune on gym memberships when you're me!

Say goodbye to the Chief , and apologize . Tell Chris not to enter the school bus race . Tell Wayne to park further away .
Tell Carl not to wait until after the weekend . And tell myself not to go to Texas .

When they want your DNA dare to say NO!