Levitas

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Colonel Sun]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland.
Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration,
that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves.
His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift-wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items.
The sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers [panties].

Good old Chris sent off his gift-wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Mary,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons,
but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair
she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean.
In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,
Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

[Colonel Sun]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's willy hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....
"Holy *****! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

[Colonel Sun]

The Wisdom of Jewish Buddhism

If there is no self,
then whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without
problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single Oy.

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
you never called,
you never wrote,
you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the
least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a
symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says,
Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says,
There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook.

[Sparky]

[Colonel Sun]

[CgDs]

[ansuchin]

[Demon of Undoing]

[ansuchin]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

Tip of the hat to Mr. P.

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Rhapsody]

[Colonel Sun]

[No worries., Mr. P. If I come across a Demopublican equivalent, I'll post it too.]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]