Levitas

[Hoosiernorm]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Nonc Hilaire]

Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander
September 5, 2011
By Corey Banks

Jesus Christ filed a lawsuit today in the New York Supreme Court against the Republican National Committee for what he is calling “egregious misrepresentation of his statements and image.”

One of the attorneys representing Christ had this to say:

“For years Republicans have proclaimed their love for and loyalty to Jesus, yet their actions are highly contradictory to what Mr. Christ preached. Instead of helping the poor and the sick GOP instead punishes the poor and the sickly.

Our client isn’t telling the GOP what their agenda should be, he simply wants them to stop using his name when their actions contradict everything he stood for.

If the GOP would like to continue using his name they have to start making a significant effort to help the poor and the sick, instead of the rich, and start promoting a more peaceful agenda.”

When asked about the lawsuit, House Speaker John Boehner made the following remarks:

“Mr. Christ is entitled to his opinion, however the GOP believes that the underlying message in the Bible is that giving tax cuts to the wealthy is the true path to happiness.

I don’t know where Mr. Christ thinks the Bible says to help the poor and the sick, but that sounds awfully socialistic to me, and we are not a socialist country.”

The lawsuit goes even further than just spoken word references to Jesus. According to the suit “images that inaccurately depict Jesus Christ, who was born in Middle Eastern country, as a Caucasian man with light skin, can no longer be displayed by political officials who claim they understand the Bible.”


Sarah Palin was at an event in Iowa today, and on camera, when a member of the crowd asked how she feels about Mr. Christ’s lawsuit. The crowd member simply asked her “have you heard that Jesus Christ is suing the GOP?”, to which former Governor Palin replied:

“Well, ya know, I don’t think Mr. Christ has a real understanding of what the GOP is trying to do to save America from the socialist death-spiral Obama has put us into.

In the Bible it states “work hard, and pull yourself up without any Government aide. If you need help from Caesar you are probably doing something wrong”, which clearly shows that Jesus wants Americans to hunker down and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

In the Bible it also states “go to the market and purchase good wares. Reward merchants with money, and God will smile upon you” which, I believe, shows that Jesus really wanted us to live in a free-market society.

Don’t forget the story of Noah’s Ark where God commanded Noah to build an Ark and take everyone except the poor and sickly away from people who were trying to steal their hard earned Gold.

Also, I’ve read the Bible plenty of times and I’ve never heard him say we should give welfare and food stamps to lazy people who don’t deserve it, which is what this Obama Administration is trying to do. They’re trying to make this country lazy and since Jesus was a man who did quite a bit of walking I would hope he would oppose such things.

Times have changed and I, for one, believe Christ is just confused and should probably re-read that most holy of books, the book that so many good, real Americans swear by, and just see, just really see, if he can get in there, ya know, and figure out if possibly he might have missed something. That’s what I would suggest Mr. Christ do.”

The media was quick to point out the many factual inaccuracies in former Governor Palin’s statement, but she fired back on Fox News today saying it was a “gotcha question” from the “liberal elite media”.

Mr. Christ’s lawsuit is set to move forward later this month. When asked if he would also be interested in filing a lawsuit for slanderous remarks made in the past, Allah declined comment.

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

POTUS Obama capitalizes on a tradition of US actors appearing in Japan:

[Colonel Sun]

Nice gloves.

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

This is Sparta.

[Hoosiernorm]

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone - don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?”

He replied “Wrong number, a$$hole” and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re an a$$hole!”
and I hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word ‘a$$hole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an a$$hole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘a$$hole’ calling

would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the caller ID program?” He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an a$$hole! “

So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a$$hole, too.

I dialed and someone said, “Hello?” I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?” “Yes it is.” “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

“Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“My name is Don Hansen,” he said.

“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

“I’m home every evening after five.”

“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“Don, you’re an a$$hole!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea: I called A$$hole #1.

“Hello?”

“You’re an a$$hole!” (but I didn’t hang up).

“Are you still there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Stop calling me,” he screamed.

“Make me,” I said.

“Who are you? “ he asked.

“My name is Don Hansen.”

“Yeah? Where do you live?”

“I live at 1802 West 34th Street, A$$hole, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front.”

He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, a$$hole.”

Then I called a$$hole # 2: “Hello?” he said.

“Hello, A$$hole,” I said.

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are...”

“You’ll what?” I said.

I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.

I answered, “Well, a$$hole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now!”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.

Now, I feel better.

[Mattmovies]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Colonel Sun]

[Azrael]

I was looking for a video of (RIP Gerry Rafferty)

Take a look at what the guy who uploaded the video wrote under it. Interesting contrast with the video, no?

[Colonel Sun]

Cue ball jokes.

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Colonel Sun]

[Sparky]

Or Ron Jeremy.

[Tinker]

[Colonel Sun]

[Hoosiernorm]

[Hoosiernorm]

Attack Watch Twitter Feed

http://twitter.com/#!/search?q=%23AttackWatch

[Hoosiernorm]